In treatment, you (hopefully) come out of your eating disorder enough that you’re able to see a different way of living. A better way of living. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always mean that you’re able to pull yourself out of the eating disorder. The quote above is from an anime I’m watching (Psycho-Pass, if you’re interested) and it struck me that this is how it is for me post-treatment. I have this obsession, and my mind tells me there’s a wiser, a better way to live, but I can’t seem to turn my back on this obsession.
When I saw this image the other day, it really spoke to me. I have always felt there is something inherently wrong with me and a need to “be better” than I am. When I saw this image, I knew I needed to do something to make myself better. I just didn’t have a plan. Now, I do.
My brothers recommended an anime called Knights of Sidonia. I was watching it today when a character asked, “Isn’t it time for our weekly meal?” That’s when it clicked! You see, the people in this anime have learned to photosynthesize and only require food once a week.
After hearing this simple question, I realized I should only be eating once a week. This morning, while alone, I completely pigged out on food. I can’t keep doing that. So, from now on, I’m only eating on Sundays. Sunday seems like an appropriate day to eat. I don’t know why, but it feels safe.
I have also decided working out daily is NOT optional anymore. I don’t care how bad I’m feeling or how bad the fibromyalgia pain, it’s no longer optional.
So these are my two new rules for a better me.