Category Archives: General

For when I’m not talking specifically about my eating disorder or recovery.

Weary

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I am tired. I am weary. I have been so busy this week. Between appointments, spending time at the hospital with my dad, treatment, pre-surgery stuff, helping out around the house, plus we have been going through our storage unit trying to get rid of as much as possible so we can stop paying an extra $200 a month on a storage unit to store a bunch of stuff we don’t need. That’s physically exhausting between the fibromyalgia and the rheumatoid arthritis. I woke up this morning fatigued, tired, ready to sleep another night. My body aches and my brain feels like cotton. I have another day of looking through boxes and moving furniture and then spending time with my dad at the hospital.

I’m grateful to be able to spend time at the hospital. But I feel guilty if I take time to myself because he’s there 24/7 alone, bored, restless, in pain. I know I need to take care of myself too, and I’m trying, but finding the right balance has been hard. Today is a week since we ambushed him. A week he’s been in the hospital. He’ll find out more tomorrow about when he can come home.

Surprise Busy Day

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I went to the hospital this morning to spend time with my dad. He had surgery yesterday. It went well. He has another surgery tomorrow. After the surgeries heal, he’ll need skin grafts. He’ll be in the hospital at least through early next week.

This afternoon, I had a follow up appointment with the ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor). My ENT is in the same hospital my dad is in, which was convenient, because I was planning to just walk over to my appointment, then go back and spend time with my dad after my appointment was finished.

However, during my appointment, my ENT decided I need surgery to correct my severely deviated septum. The surgery is next Friday, the 23rd. He sent me off to get an EKG, chest x-rays, and blood work for the surgery. That took a few hours (because hospital) and by the time I finished, I needed to leave, so I didn’t get to spend more time with my dad.

My fibromyalgia is flaring up very badly right now. I’m in so much pain.

Tomorrow, I have more DBT.

Update on My Dad

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After my dad was admitted to the hospital, I spent the night and next day with him, keeping him company, making sure he had everything he needed, listening to the doctors to make sure we knew what was going on, advocating for him. It was a long couple days, first in the ER, then in the hospital the next day. Last night I came home and slept. I just showered and I feel refreshed.

My dad’s infection spread into his muscle. The doctor said if he’d left it much longer, it’d be in his bone, and he’d had lost the leg. I’m relieved and so thankful that my family ambushed him and made him go to the hospital. He’ll need several surgeries and lots of strong antibiotics. He goes in for his first surgery today.

My sister is taking today’s shift. I wish I could be there for him, but I also know I need to rest today. I’m very sore, my fibromyalgia is flaring up from the hospital chair I spent the last couple days in. Even with my frequent walks I didn’t escape its cruel consequences.

I talk to my dad via Facebook messenger (because it doesn’t use his data since it’s over the hospital’s wifi) often. He’s, naturally, bored and restless. The next time I go up to see him (tomorrow) I’m taking cards and we’ll play cribbage.

Planned Intervention

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A bit ago I wrote about my dad’s infection in his leg and how he’s believing for faith healing and refuses to see a doctor for it.

Well, my siblings, mom, and I talked yesterday. We talked about how worried we are about him and his health, and how we’re worried about losing him. So, we have staged an intervention for tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. I hate confrontation. I don’t want to confront him on this. However, something needs to give, because I’m terrified of losing him. So, I’ll be a part of this intervention if it give more weight to the event. I assume the more people who come together the more seriously he’ll take it.

Here’s hoping he doesn’t just blow us off.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 23

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Day #23: What is your best feature?

My eyes. I love the color of my eyes, they’re bright green. My eyes are expressive. They don’t lie. They are the first part of my face to smile.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 16

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Day #16: Something you like about yourself.

This is a hard one. I am generally very self-critical of myself. I don’t see a lot of good in myself, not much to like, so I had to really think about this one. After much thought, I realized I like my sense of loyalty. I am a loyal friend and am always available when others need me (when I can be). I like that about myself.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 15

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Day #15: Something you have done right.

Being an aunt. I was the best darn aunt a child could ask for.  I was the kind of aunt who played video games and board games and card games. I taught crafts and made up games. I planned art projects. I taught my niece to ride her bike. I took them swimming, took them to the park, watched movies, built fort. I introduced them to Star Wars and then helped them build light sabers and had light saber battles. I helped them search for lost hamsters, kissed wounded knees, and smoothed wounded egos. And there was nothing else I loved in the world more than being their aunt.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 14

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Day #14: Share a fear you overcame.

Nothing comes to mind. I spent the better part of 15 minutes trying to think of something, but couldn’t.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 9

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Day #9: Share something beautiful

One of the most beautiful things to me is the reflection of lights on the streets and sidewalks during or after a rain.