This first week back in treatment has been hard. I got hardly any schoolwork done, I ate meals and snacks every night with strangers, I’m overwhelmed with trying to follow my meal plan and not binge-and-purge and catch up on homework and deal with my emotions and everything that treatment entails.  Now I’m on my own for the weekend and I’ve already purged 2 meals today and so want to binge and purge tonight. I am weary. I am tired from the week and from treatment. I need time off. I can’t wait until the semester is over.


5 responses »

  1. Sounds busy and hard – do you have time for a bath or a lie down on the floor with soothing music? Sometimes that helps me just keep going through the busy times – it doesn’t solve anything but it does press pause which sometimes (it’s not 100% successful!) helps.

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  2. Treatment is hard enough but with schoolwork, I commend you for the effort. Here is my perspective, for whatever it’s worth – you made it through the week! Yeah, you slipped on the weekend but how long has it been since going a whole week? I would consider that a success. Maybe it’s not perfect but, for me, I always expected perfection. Dealing with imperfect recovery was hard for me.

    I’m only now living a normal life, free of that mental obsession. But I still log all my food to make sure I stick with a normal caloric range. I still see a nutritionist, albeit, far less frequently because I know the importance of accountability and the insidiousness of the disease. However, what I’m saying is that it is possible to recover. I have and I had an ED for over 30 years.

    You can do this… sure, it’s going to be super hard, I’m not going to lie, but if you persist, you’ll regain your freedom.

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  3. I so wish I had some words of wisdom, some sage advice to offer, but the truth is that life is hard and can really be overwhelming at times. We all deal with stress differently… try not to beat yourself up over it. Hoping you find the strength to get through these difficult times. For what it’s worth there’s people out here rooting for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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