“Women don’t eat, they just stare at it and then jump on the treadmill.”
-Lorelai Gilmore
I’m going to try a new plan: when I feel like binging and purging, I’m going to hop on my stationary bike instead until, hopefully, the urge passes. I don’t know if my plan will work, but I need to try something.
I’m still really struggling with binging and purging, though I did manage to cut down on the number of binges and purges a little today. That also means I was able to cut down a little on the amount of laxatives I took, since I take them after each time I purge. What I’m happiest about, however, is that I somehow managed to get 100% on my test today. Despite all the binging and purging I’ve been doing instead of studying, I still managed to eke out enough studying between binges to do well on my test. I’m still behind in my other class, but I have a couple weeks before my first test to catch up. I’m just treading water here, but I’m surviving and that’s important.
I had my intake assessment for the PHP/EIOP at the eating disorder center this morning. It went pretty much as expected, I’ve been through it before. The worst part is just now waiting. The intake coordinator I met with this morning meets with her team on Tuesday morning to go over new intakes, so she said I’ll hear from her Tuesday or Wednesday of next week with their recommendation as to which program. I don’t know when I’ll hear about whether insurance will approve a higher level of care.
I’m trying hard to work on my own to cut down on my binging and purging because of my diabetes diagnosis yesterday, but I’m not having a lot of luck so far. However, I’m going to keep trying. And hopefully I get into the partial hospitalization program or evening intensive outpatient program to help out.
According to a study, bulimics are 4 times more likely to get diabetes than the general public.
I didn’t know this until about an hour ago. I also didn’t know that bulimia can cause diabetes. However, an hour ago, my doctor called me. She knows about my history with bulimia and the severity with which I’m struggling right now. She told me my lab results came back, and I have diabetes. She also said it is likely a result of my 15 year struggle with bulimia. I was shocked. I am still kind of in shock.
I don’t know what it means for me yet. I have a doctor appointment scheduled to talk about it in more detail. However, I know this means I need to get my bulimia under control if possible.
This morning I got my medical clearance for the EIOP. It took over 3 hours. I got prodded, poked 6 times, an EKG, gave urine, and eventually sent out to a lab to get the rest of my blood because they couldn’t get it at my doctor’s office.
Today is also my ex-fiance’s birthday. I’m not handling the day well. I’ve been in tears a lot throughout the day.
I’ve been gone ALL DAY (I had my DBT group after my medical clearance) so I haven’t binged and purged today. I also haven’t taken any laxatives today, so I’m feeling a lot better physically. However, with the emotional distress I’m in right now, I will probably be binging and purging the rest of the night. Especially since I’m alone tonight. I just need to get out of my head.
I took too many laxatives this morning and I am dying. Not literally, thankfully. Unfortunately?
My stomach is cramping like crazy, I’m nauseous and vomiting, and I’ve shat myself, which is completely unpleasant. All I can do is lie here, close to the bathroom, and writhe in pain. At least I’m not binging and purging…
With the exception of while I was at my eye exam, I spent the whole day binging and purging, as has become my norm. My last purge was especially violent and I feel weak and shaky and too tired to keep binging and purging, even though I have a few more hours left in the day to pass. I don’t want to not binge and purge. When I’m not binging and purging, I start thinking about my ex and I start feeling and I can’t handle it and I start feeling suicidal. I just want to stay numb.
I have an appointment every day this week. Two on Wednesday. Tomorrow I have an eye exam, Tuesday I meet with my psychiatrist, Wednesday I have my medical clearance for going back into eiop and I have my DBT group, Thursday I meet with my DBT therapist, Friday I have the intake assessment for eiop, and Saturday I have the orientation for volunteering at the children’s hospital to rock babies.
I’m not looking forward to it, when I have appointments every day, my fibromyalgia tends to act up more. Also, my eating disorder therapist wants me in php (partial hospitalization) instead of eiop (evening intensive outpatient), but I’m not even sure my insurance will approve another round of eiop, let alone php. They wouldn’t approve php earlier this year when it was recommended then, so I’m not holding my breath on being sent to php. Besides, I have no idea how I would get my schoolwork done if I’m in php, since it’s an all day program. And I wouldn’t be able to volunteer at the children’s hospital rocking babies. And I would have to quit my DBT program. So overall, eiop would be “better” for me. (I don’t know that it would be better at interrupting behaviors, but it would interrupt my life less.)
As you may have read, last night I was in a lot of pain in my side and stomach. I ended up going to the ER for it. The ran X-rays and a CT scan with contrast and labs and decided the pain was from inflammation in my abdomen, probably from all the purging I’ve been doing lately, and from a cyst on my kidney. I’m supposed to follow up with my regular doctor for an MRI of the cyst and further treatment. However, my regular doctor is on maternity leave, so I’m going to have to see someone else. I’m not looking forward to that.
They gave my morphine at the ER to bring down the pain. It was awful. It made me dizzy and nauseous and feel like my nerves were raw. I’ve long ago realized that narcotics and I don’t get along. I just don’t handle them well. However, it did it’s job and I got some zofran for the nausea and the other symptoms passed after a bit and before long I was feeling well enough to go home. I spent, overall, about 4 and a half hours there.
I am feeling a lot better today. Still a little pain, but not like I was in last night.
I’ve been binging and purging non-stop for the last 2 weeks. It seems to have caught up to me physically. My left side and stomach (anatomical stomach, not my abdomen) hurt so much! The pain is excruciating. I just finished purging and I am doubled over in pain.
a2eternity 