It’s day 4 of my water (and diet root beer) fast. I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon. He’s concerned about my not eating and wants me to see the nutritionist. I don’t want to see her. Partly because it’s expensive to do so. She’s not covered by insurance. Second, because she’s just going to tell me to eat and that’s going to be an expensive, pointless appointment since I have no plans to start eating again right now. He wanted to see me again after I see her, but I didn’t set up an appointment with her, and he didn’t have any appointments I could make before I fly out to California again in a couple weeks.
When I came out of my appointment, my tire was flat. Luckily, I have roadside assistance because while I know the mechanics of changing a tire, I’ve never actually done it, and it was sweltering hot. So, I waited for them to show up and change my tire, which he did very quickly. Meanwhile, I missed my appointment with my DBT therapist. I didn’t mind, though, because I wasn’t enthused about telling two people in the same day about my fast.
a2eternity 
Hun, I’m worried about you. Fasting for days isn’t healthy, and it will do more damage to your metabolism, making it harder to lose weight healthily. I know you know that intellectually. Please, please think about reintroducing foods into your diet ASAP.
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I just can’t do it right now…
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Why are you doing this besides the weight stuff? Because both in my own ED issues and in others, I can’t think of a time I’ve seen someone majorly go back into them without something difficult/triggering it etc.
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I’ve been planning my wedding and set up an appointment to go look at dresses and I felt entirely too fat to be looking at wedding dresses.
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I dont know why i “liked” this post, probably because i understand what youre saying. On another note, i have never tasted root beer. I have no idea what root beer even is in fact!
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just an outsider looking in, but also someone who has pretty much been there and done that….possibly an unconscious effort to mess things up? Like life just got too good? Or possibly there is something bothering you that you cannot speak about? Or possibly as you grow, so do your emotions. Emotions that feel so big and scary that you starve them away? IDK, maybe you just want to be thin, but I don’t think so. Years worth of starving and bingeing and purging are not uneasily done. Possibly if you are 5 or 10 pounds lighter and a size or two smaller you will look and feel better? Probably not. Really it comes down to how you feel about yourself, self-compassion, love and nurturing. Seems as if you need some that…<3 ❤
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Maybe you should wait. If the wedding is causing this bad of a trigger- maybe you should push the date back. OR just get married at the courthouse. Yes, I know the ceremony is the thing, but it’s no good starving yourself just to fit in a dress, and then being miserable/sick afterwards. Your fiance (I never know whether I need to put one ‘e’ or two…) loves you, and I’m sure he would support slowing down or maybe changing some details, in order for you to be happy AND healthy.
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Please be safe! I know what planning a wedding is like, and it is HELL, but please take care of yourself.
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Maybe do some home therapy like you were posting before. The pictures about how you feel. Not going to be much of a wedding if you get ill from fasting too long. Self sabotage … I do it too, just with other stuff. Feeling unworthy sucks. Prayers.
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This sounds very unhealthy! I understand the triggers, and when things get hard and stressful my bulimia is right on the surface. I know I need to talk through those times with my T. I’m concerned you are shutting down and fasting is only going to push you further from health. You are worthy of having a strong healthy life…don’t let this control you! My opinion…Hang in there!
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I don’t have a complete understanding of ED, but I am an addict, forever an addict and I do understand triggers & control all to well. When I start to re-enter those worlds, my tapes automatically rewind.
I believe that one of your followers has the right idea. A little or alot of love and compassion is in order.
TAKE CARE
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