What Restriction looks and feels like

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My psychiatrist wants me to start keeping an art journal of my eating disorder behavior urges. Today I’ve been wanting to restrict, so I tried to put it into a picture. On the left side is a body surrounded by spiky red and black lines. The red line is a deep self-hatred for my body ย that entirely encompasses me. The black like is the oppressive feeling the self-hatred gives me. The black arrows signify how the lines feel like they’re closing in on me. The dotted arrow shows that these feelings lead me to the thought of restriction and that I shouldn’t eat. I want my body to go away and the only way I know to make that happen is to stop eating.

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28 responses »

  1. EVERYTHING YOU EVER WRITE IS SO RELATABLE! I started my blog because I didn’t know how else to explain my mental illnesses to my family and friends. I figured that one day, when I was ready, I’d just let them read my blog. But geez do I relate to you! Would you be okay if I shared your blog with people in my life who I’d want to share my experiences with? Thanks for writing!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is amazing. This is absolutely amazing. I’m so, so sorry that you are suffering like this, and I sometimes want to tear your brain apart, but the way your turn this into art and into expression is inspiring.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your art is really powerful. You have a talent there I think. You make a really clear representation of complicated, difficult emotions. I can identify with some of these especially wishing your body and (for me) its needs would go away. Does it change how you feel at all when you draw what you’re going through? Sending big hugs and wishing you strength as you go along this path of recovery xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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