Learning to ride the wave



Last night in art therapy, I was inspired by my letters to and from my inner child and wanted to give myself a kick-ass surfboard to ride my emotions on. I made the wave to represent different emotions (the legend is on the left). I put the most uncomfortable emotions closest to me in the wave to symbolize embracing them instead of stuffing or ignoring them.

I’m not skillful yet in surfing my emotions. Right now, I’m just hanging onto the surfboard for dear life. Soon, I hope to be able to sit on the surf board. Then paddle. Then stand. Eventually, I hope to be able to surf my emotions like a pro.

Tonight’s dinner was hard and I only ate about half and had to boost. I felt like a failure. I just finished my 6th week of treatment and felt like I should be able to finish all my meals by now. The dinner was a salad with chickpeas, soy chicken, and bread. The salad was so huge that it felt overwhelming and I couldn’t get past it.  I’m also still struggling with thinking that “starches=bad”.

My therapist reassured me that since I boosted, it still counts as completing, and that I need to just take recovery as it comes and not try to compare it to anyone else’s journey. She does want me to set up an appointment with the nutritionist, however.


11 responses »

  1. I am so proud of everything your putting into your recovery. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you. I think meeting with the nutritionist will be very helpful. We all have misconceptions about what we eat. I am sending all my positive thoughts your way. Your doing so much better than you think you are. 😉 G-uno

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are doing so well! I know that some days may not feel victorious, but you are still making great progress. Look at your art therapy…you are becoming so skillful by what you are learning through it. So, even though you became overwhelmed at dinner, you still chose a better response than ‘Kyle’ would have urged you to. You are so STRONG! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First, great drawing! I have trouble with stick men, so I’m always impressed with anyone who can draw anything!

    Second, I’ll go out on a limb here and give you some thoughts about food. You see, I had a double bypass in 2003. I almost didn’t make it. I had exercised, eaten well, but I just couldn’t outrun my genes. Part of rehab was spending time with a nutritionist to make sure my diet was heart-healthy, which it already was. But I also remember reading literature and nutrition news on the net. Guess what I generally found: Eggs were supposed to be bad for you (cholesterol), but a study came out in 2003 – “Looks like we were wrong. They’re good for you.”

    I read one thing after another – good, bad, no wait good, bad, bad, good… I finally realized that no one really seems to know for sure. The important thing was to be careful, as in watch the sugar, cupcakes are NOT a main course, etc.

    May I suggest that, at this point don’t worry about being too discriminating with what food categories you eat. Calories are the name of the game. Just eat. Let your body do the work.

    I write this to you in hopes my experience is helpful. If it works for you, great. If not, discard. I’m still praying for you! It’s a rocky road, but you will make it. I hear it in everything you write. You have what it takes to persevere; trust in that quality God has given you. Respectfully, Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well done you, I don’t even know you and I am so proud of you. remember baby steps and only 1 day at a time, onwwards and upwards, plus any other mood boosting cliche. as much as they are cliches, they are true. you’re at the top of the little step ladder, you’re moving onto the big ladder now, the one that takes you out of the dark, into the light that is at the top.

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  5. Learning to ride the wave is tough. I believe we all have our own ‘wave’ to ride for different reasons. The facilitator of my therapy group gave me a sheet with ride the wave on it, and it was about riding the wave of my intense emotions I suffer with (which is part of my personality disorder). I have put the sheet on my kitchen wall to remind me on those days my emotions take over. Your blog is inspiring to others, well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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