I was supposed to have physical therapy this morning. Their office called me this morning and said my therapist had a family emergency and had to cancel.

Just now the eating disorder clinic called and said they’re cancelling program tonight because of the snow.

My stomach turned when I heard this. It was a hard weekend and I have been looking forward to being back in the safety of treatment. Yes, treatment is HARD, but it is also safe. Now I’m left doing it all on my own, still. I haven’t eaten today because I ate 100% of my meal plan yesterday and that was ridiculous hard and overwhelming and I just can’t cope with more food right now. I don’t know whether I will eat dinner or not. I was supposed to have dinner at treatment, so I was already planning to eat, but now I feel like I have options. Right now I just want to take a nap and forget about the world.


9 responses »

  1. I’m so sorry. Getting cancellations is horrible. Especially when it’s short notice and you really were holding on to the appointment coming up. It’s happened to me a lot over the last couple of months – CPN, 1:1, other appointments for my physical health, friends. .. all not exactly anyone’s fault but it still hurts and makes it harder. Though I know it doesn’t change how you feel right now it maybe is a good thing that the treatment programme is feeling like a safe place and safer than trying to manage on your own.
    It’s fantastic you did 100% of your meal plan yesterday. Wow. I can understand why you feel really overwhelmed. Can you get any telephone support tonight in place of the normal sessions?
    A nap is not a bad idea I think 🙂 always in favour of naps plus seriously, it’s not too bad a way to get a break from the overwhelmed feelings maybe?
    Whatever you can manage to do tonight you are getting through this and it’s a step closer to tomorrow xxx

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  2. I’d like to have something wise to tell you, but what you’re doing is a bit outside of my “knowledge package.” I will say that you are on my daily prayer list and in my thoughts. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I think the best thing I can tell you is that I’m on a lot of medications; sometimes I miss dose. Instead of getting worried about what might happen, I’ve learned to shrug, say “Oh, well,” and make sure I hit it next time. Maybe the same sort of thing here for you? Praying for your peace of mind this evening!

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  3. I just want you to know that I’ve been watching from afar, as a total stranger, and I’m SO happy for you that you’re in treatment and you should be incredibly proud of some of the things you’ve already been able to accomplish.

    Do what you can for yourself tonight, even if that just means not taking any backwards steps instead of taking forwards ones, and remind yourself that the road to recovery is going to be filled with hiccups and bumps and imperfections — in the end, it won’t matter how you got there.

    Courage my dear! xoxo

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Unfortunately recovery is seldom a straight line. It zigs and zags, has it’s ups and downs…Just try to remember it’s ok to feel, whatever you feel. Not everyday is sunshine & roses. And also remember most of us (yes you too) are stronger than we know. (((HUGS)))

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  5. You are moving forward. There are going to be blips- take that nap. 🙂 I follow your blog regularly and I know you are fighting with all your strength to beat it. You can’t magically get everything right when you and your illness have been together for so long. Please, don’ be too hard on yourself. You are doing well and that is enough x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey, A2! I just checked to see what might be up in your world today. I wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you. I hope today was better than yesterday! They come and go, right? Keep that want-to alive!

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