Just trying to deal

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Yesterday was rough. I binged and purged twice instead of following my meal plan. Then, this morning, the scale said I had gained 6 pounds since yesterday morning. Ugh! I can’t even deal today. I don’t know whether or not I’m going to try to follow my meal plan today. I want to fast so I can lost that weight I gained binging yesterday. But I also know that if I don’t try then I won’t be working toward recovery, which is what I ultimately want, even if it doesn’t feel like I want it right now. I don’t know. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

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7 responses »

  1. The scales and your mind are playing serious F***** mind games with you. Your body doesn’t understand that one moment you are eating ‘normally’ and then you binge and purge. So it is holding onto al the nutrients and water so your body doesn’t break down. Here is a suggestion from me : Agree to follow your meal plan- commit to it for no less than 3 weeks. No purging or laxatives. You body will stop clinging to every morsel it gets and eating and not purging will naturally boost your metabolism again. When your body realises s that it is getting regular fuel – your weight will stabilise. I think -again a suggestion is to focus on what you can do when you feel thee need to binding. You need distractions s until the moment passes. I know it’s tough getting your head round all days. Living with an ED is hell. If your meal plan and weight stabilises doesn’t work, then you can always go back to doing what you do now. I don’t mean to sound harsh. I know you a terrified. Your rational brain is in convict with your emotions. Stick with it xx

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  2. I am so sorry you are struggling like this. I know how hard it is. I really wish I could sit with you and hold your hand through it all. However, I am praying for you. In Christ Jesus you have the strength to beat this! Believe!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are doing so well and you’re being so strong right now. Even if you can’t make all the choices in your actions yet that you want to (ie totally stopping bingeing and purging), the fact that you can hold in your mind the fact that you want to get well, whilst you have your eating disorder and everything in your head screaming at you, is huge. Hold on to that. It is a long road but every time you can hang on to the fact that part of you wants to get well and just try to follow that, it’s a victory. You’ve had so many victories, trying to follow your meal plan, throwing out your laxatives, going to therapy, acknowledging the fact that you want to fast and trying to make a choice what to do, just keeping going through this day.
    I know it really really hurts right now. I’m sending you lots of hugs.
    And I like the cartoon. Erm yes they keep finding whatever I lost too 😉 Alternatively , “I went on a diet for 2 weeks but all I lost was 14 days…”
    I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Award. I really admire your bravery and honesty pushing on when it’s so hard.
    https://intothisbreakinglight.wordpress.com/2016/01/30/thank-you-daisy-the-liebster-award/

    Ginny xx

    Liked by 1 person

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