Yesterday was day four of treatment. Before treatment was rocky between entering my food into the school software that calculates my calories, trying to follow the meal plan, stopping laxatives, and flushing my laxatives. By the time I arrived at treatment I was absolutely frantic and couldn’t eat dinner. I cried through the first group, which was dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). After DBT was proccess group, where I was able to talk through my day and process everything that had happened and get advice and feedback from the group.
Process group was sooo helpful. I felt so much better after processing my day. I was able to eat and finish my evening snack.
I am still working on increasing my intake to get up to my full meal plan. I’m supposed to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. Today I’m going to try to eat 2 meals and 2 snacks. It feels overwhelming. Especially since I no longer have laxatives and I’m trying not to purge.
All the changes I’ve made this week have been hard and exhausting. I wish I could just have something magical happen and I just be recovered! Why does it have to require so much work?
a2eternity 
“All the changes I’ve made this week have been hard and exhausting. I wish I could just have something magical happen and I just be recovered! Why does it have to require so much work?”
If you did not have to work so hard to achieve recovery — or anything else for that matter — you would not fully appreciate the beauty of recovery. And there IS beauty in recovery! It is a wonderful place to be. Keep fighting the good fight!
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I think you are doing so amazingly well. In such a short period of time, less than a week, you’ve done huge things. Starting the therapy alone is massive enough and you’ve also made big changes in what you’re doing – stopping purging, getting rid of your laxatives, trying to follow the meal plan and increasing what you’re eating, meeting all the new people in your group and sharing honestly with them. I’m so glad process group was helpful after you’ve had such a tough day. Well done. The huge energy it takes to work towards recovery is already changing your life and it’ll be so worth it. It’s painful and it’s really hard to see thIngs changing but it’s still worth it even in those hardest times. Well done. Can you do something nice for yourself this weekend? Xx
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Wouldn’t life be great if we could snap our fingers and fix everything? Even I get times when I feel like this!
But, we learn to grit our teeth and push ourself forward, and at the end find real beauty. Hang in there! You’re stronger than you think. But, since we don’t have those magic-snapping fingers, it’s going to take time and good days and bad days and patience and frustration. And that’s okay too 🙂
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What I hear from you is that you have a great attitude toward what you are doing there. You are trying! You are making the effort! If you’ve read much on BeautyFromBones, she says that the want-to is the most important part of recovery. I’m hearing you say you want to! That means you have the most important quality to make it through.
I will echo Lizzy above with a quote from the movie “A League of Their Own” about a real women’s baseball league during WWII. Geena Davis’ character is leaving the team. She says it just got too hard. The team manager, played by Tom Hanks, says “It’s the hard…that makes it great.”
So hear the crowd cheering for you at the stadium I told you about before. They are on their feet screaming for YOU! “A-2! A-2! A-2!” Give it all you’ve got and whip the crowd into a frenzy of love and support. All – for – you!
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You are getting there. One day -one moment at a time. The other side of recovery may not be always purple farting unicorns but there is a life and purpose to live with self respect for your body and mind x
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Keep going lovely x
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It’s work, all right. Everything worthwhile is. Hugs.
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