Flushed

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I just made a huge step toward recovery. I have been working with my nutritionist on tapering down my laxatives. Today was the last day I’m allowed laxatives. So, after taking my allowed amount, I flushed the rest of my laxatives I had in the house. I feel really apprehensive about it. It’s very final. I have literally no money right now, so I can’t go out and get more laxatives at the moment. It’s like a kick in the teeth to my eating disorder, and in a way, it hurts. It’s also a little freeing. I’m so conflicted right now. I really want to get better, but my eating disorder is screaming right now.

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11 responses »

  1. Unfortunately I’ve found in my experience that most worth while, valuable endeavors are never easy….I struggle almost daily with voices inside telling me to just give up. When I was in addiction, it was even worse. But I made it through the difficulties, and I know you can too. Wishing you all the best…strength & peace my friend, you are stronger than you know!

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  2. Hang in there, A2 (may I call you that?)!!! I’m praying for you! The crowd is roaring for you…”A-2! A-2!” When I’m trying to do something hard that’ll take time, I imagine myself in a stadium doing…whatever…and the crowd is going wild, pulling for me to win. It works for me because I know it’s true; family and friends want me to persevere and succeed.

    You’re loved ones are in that stadium, screaming for you. Listen to THAT noise in your head and nothing else.

    “A-2! A-2!”

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Tell your eating disorder to turn the volume down and turn up the volume on how brave and deserving you are. This is a new start -a new road. It’s going to be scary but try and go with it. You have made the right choice. I know the thoughts won’t go away but like I said just turn the volume down x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That is a fantastic and brave step. I imagine having just done this your emotions might feel all the more confused and changeable and intense, as you’re forced to confront them in a different way and can’t purge as you really want to. Making this decision is huge. I think it’ll make a substantial difference to your physical health right away too and I hope that you will get loads of support in your treatment now to learn how to manage and how to cope with how you’re feeling xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a great step in the right direction! You (and other personal events) have inspired me to throw away my laxatives. I would only use them after consuming a lot of food that day. Not only has it caused me pain but I know that I need to stop before it is too late. You are an inspiration! Keep trying. I know now that I WILL NEVER go back to using laxatives again.

    Liked by 1 person

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