I just made a huge step toward recovery. I have been working with my nutritionist on tapering down my laxatives. Today was the last day I’m allowed laxatives. So, after taking my allowed amount, I flushed the rest of my laxatives I had in the house. I feel really apprehensive about it. It’s very final. I have literally no money right now, so I can’t go out and get more laxatives at the moment. It’s like a kick in the teeth to my eating disorder, and in a way, it hurts. It’s also a little freeing. I’m so conflicted right now. I really want to get better, but my eating disorder is screaming right now.