Day 2

Standard

Yesterday I met with my psychiatrist. I was apprehensive going in. I didn’t have a good experience with the psychiatrist I was assigned through the mental health clinic I attend, so I was worried how my appointment would go. I was pleasantly surprised. He was friendly, he didn’t talk down to me or seem to have pre-judged what conditions I had and try to make me fit into those diagnoses regardless of whether they fit me or not. He was attentive and listened, asked a lot of questions, and really seemed to care.

After I met with the psychiatrist, it was time for dinner. Dinner was very hard last night, and I was only able to complete about 60% of it. I tried really hard, though.

During our first group after dinner, we made collages with pastels to represent a moment in time in the last 24 hours where we felt intense emotion. We had to think of the moment and then circle on an emotions list all the emotions we were feeling. Then, using the pastels, we had to assign each emotion a color, and represent them on the paper however we felt best represented the moment.

I made the above collage. I started in the center with the emotions I feel are at the core of me and then worked out to the emotions I feel are more at the surface. The emotions are as follows, starting from the center and working out:

  • Worthless
  • Inadequate
  • Ashamed
  • Vulnerable
  • Overwhelmed
  • Apprehensive
  • Upset
  • Anxious

The moment in time that I picked was right after I finished dinner.

Tonight we have art and then family group. I invited several people from my family but I don’t think anyone is coming. I’m looking forward to more art.

Advertisements

5 responses »

  1. Well done you did another day!
    I’m relieved for you that you had a better experience with this psychiatrist than you’ve had previously. It’s so important they ask you questions and find out about you. It was so long before I got a proper assessment with a psychiatrist and when I finally did it made a big difference in my treatment. I hope he will help you too.
    Thank you for sharing your picture. It sounds like a very interesting exercise. Was it hard to do? Did it come to mind quickly the colours to use for the emotions and the emotions you felt? I don’t want to pry so please don’t feel obliged to answer. I know sometimes I’d find it hard and others it would be clear, some of them at least, other emotions surprise me. Right now I’m kind of cut off or explosive.
    I hope today art goes well again. I’m thinking of you about family group. I wonder what it feels like thinking nobody will come. If i were in your place I’d at least partly feel hurt about it. It does hurt me when I find nobody wants to be involved. I hope the session can be helpful for you even if your family don’t come this time.
    Ginny xx

    Like

    • Yeah, the assignment was hard to do just because it was hard to think about and be in that moment again and feel all those intense emotions. Some of the emotions were easy to assign colors to, others were harder.
      It does hurt a little that no one seems to want to come to my family group. I feel unheard and uncared for.

      Like

  2. Art Therapy is brilliant! I am glad you are experiencing it. I am in an Art Therapy Group Therapy setting. If people don’t come, I want you to know that I would have came. You are responsible for yourself, and sometimes that means doing things alone, which I sometimes hate too… But you are never alone if you are present. Enjoy the art and try to see what you have. You can count on yourself. That is something not everyone can say. And today, you can say that. So show up and count on yourself. You are doing a great job. Good luck!

    Like

  3. If you really are some of those things in your bullet points – worthless, etc. why do so many people care about you? The correct answer is, of course, you are not worthless, etc. I get the vulnerable, overwhelmed parts, but maybe all of those will drop away once you accept people’s word that they care. At least trust them that it’s true if you don’t feel it. Just a bit later, you’ll come to their point of view.

    Liked by 1 person

Join the conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s