Phone calls and shit

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I worked up the nerve to call the eating disorder clinic. I got their voice mail. I left a message. Hours later, I got a call back. However, my phone rang once and before I could answer, they hung up! I immediately called back, but again I just got their voice mail. I left another message. I haven’t heard back from them since.

Just as I was hanging up the last time, I shat myself. Damn laxatives. I haven’t even taken any today. I’m really trying to stop taking them. However, it’s causing me so much anxiety, I don’t know how long I’m going to last. It’s sad when, even after soiling myself, I’d rather take the laxatives because I don’t know how to deal with not taking them. I need to get into this eating disorder program. Why won’t they call me back? Tomorrow it will have been a week since we met. How long does it take to decide whether or not to let someone do your program?

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5 responses »

  1. I’m so sorry. You did so well to phone. Then I can imagine getting the answer machine and then them hanging up was just too much to take. .. I’m so sorry. The wait and lack of support is horrible. I really want them to call you tomorrow and to take you into the program! You need and deserve so much help and you’re doing all you can.
    I have been there in the past with the laxatives once or twice, thankfully I was on my own at home when it happened. You poor thing I know it’s really distressing. when i was starving myself and had wasted my muscles so much through it and was also drinking too much fluid to try to stop myself eating, i started to wet myself as well. But i kept starving and drinking too much. I’ve had bladder and gynae problems since so possibly did permanent damage. The grip and compulsion of eating disorders goes beyond the scary, humiliating, awful physical effects.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. P.S. – can the GP oversee you physically whilst you’re trying to reduce the laxatives? If you are managing to cut them back at all, which is a really brave step, if you have been several days per week overdosing on them, physiologically you may need to reduce them gradually over a few days, rather than going straight from overdose to none. Suddenly stopping could cause painful constipation. So if you are reducing slowly because of your anxiety making it too much to stop completely at once, that could actually in a way be an okay thing, if you see what I mean?? I am not a clinician so I don’t know exactly how it’s recommended to reduce them, I just know when I worked at an eating disorder service it was recommended important to do it that way over a few days to a week. I have also read that as an alternative when stopping the laxatives you can eat very high fibre fruit like dried/stewed prunes or dried apricots – if the recommended dose of the laxative tablets you used was one tablet, take one prune per laxative tablet you would have taken at first, then reduce that. This does however suppose that you are able to tolerate eating the fruit. If eating is very distressing I imagine that would not be an easy approach to use and that if you were taking a very large number of laxative tablets it just would not be possible anyway. Again, I am not a doctor, this is only me telling you what I’ve read and remember from my work. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good Job on the phone call, I know how hard that can be. You’re stronger than you may think! Remember this quote “Promise Me You’ll Always Remember; You’re Braver Than You Believe, Stronger than you seem, and Smarter than you Think”- Christopher Robin to Pooh.

    Liked by 1 person

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