I requested an intake meeting with the local eating disorder clinic. I don’t know if I’ll be admitted. I don’t think I’m sick enough for the program I was in last year, but something has to change. I don’t know how to stop this cycle of laxatives and fasting on my own. I tried and I am just getting worse. I’m scared. I really don’t want to do the program. The thought of being forced to eat 6 times a day again terrifies me. But I just don’t know what else to do anymore.
a2eternity 
I hate to use this word, by “submit”. Maybe letting go of trying to figure it out on your own and allowing someone else to guide you through this will be the best thing? I mean, I’m so not an expert, but sometimes another person might know what’s best for us better than what we know.
Just a thought…
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Acquiescent72 makes a good point, maybe if you can’t figure it out, it’s time to trust someone else who might be able to? It’s not for certain they will, but might be a bit of a relief? Love the comic by the way, so true.
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This was really brave. I know you said you don’t want to do the program, but I think that might be your eating disorder talking. The fact that you reached out means that you do want to get better, even if it’s going to be scary. Good luck x
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How sick do these people expect you to get before they will take you? I’m sure they know that you suffer from one of the most difficult disorders/diseases there is. It’s hard enough to get the courage to make the phone call or set up an appointment. I’m proud of you for doing that. You fight in you and you WANT to get better or you wouldn’t be seeking help at all. Hang in there. Keep trying. If your stomach is still painful, bloated, etc. I started using Cinnamon on everything and drank a lot of water. After a week my stomach was much better and I found I could stop using enemas. I was using them everyday for over 6 months. It was the only way I could go and my body became dependent on them. I caused severe damage to an already damaged stomach. I have a permanent mal-absorption disorder now. So my Bipolar meds are not working. It isn’t pretty. Nothing having to do with the digestive system is. lol
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I am sending you encouragement. May you have light and ease on your journey. May you feel loved. A.
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I think Lusuna is right, it’s the eating disorder talking saying you don’t want to do the program. You wouldn’t have made an appointment otherwise. Which is a brave thing to do! I really hope the clinic are able to help you. We’re all rooting for you x
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I’m so glad…
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That is a big, brave step. Kudos. Your will to survive is bigger than this illness!
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I so feel for you! You hate where you are, but getting better is a huge unknown full of scary monsters. And the thought of eating 6 times a day? Instant panic!
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I wish I had answers for you. I really do.
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I really appreciate that
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