I failed twice over


This comic has nothing to do with this post.

I planned to fast today. I did, until dinner. Then, my parents insisted on buying me dinner and watching me eat it. I couldn’t think of a good excuse not to, since I’m “recovered”. So I ate it, then purged.

I had planned not to purge during the 3 weeks until I go back to see my surgeon about how my nose is healing, but that obviously didn’t happen. So not only did I eat today, I purged. But I couldn’t eat on a fasting day and NOT purge.

All I can think of is how I’ve doubly failed. I am twice the failure.


7 responses »

  1. No, you haven´t. You have just exposed the rules that you make for yourself. Maybe your rules are too strict, too black and white. I mean, making rules means breaking rules. No matter how many you make, or how many you plan for, they will be broken. That is what happens to rules. Go easy on yourself. Try not to make rules, or make very very flexible rules instead. Baby steps. Gentleness. You are doing good things. Keep your goals in sight.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. You and I seem to share similar traits in this regard. We set ourselves up for failure over and over again. We both self-impose these strict rules. We both don’t meet them and feel like failures. We both keep repeating our self-defeating past behaviors and tactics despite them not working and not leading to healing. Something needs to change.

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  3. Instead of saying I’m a failure make a plan for getting right back on the horse for when you do fall off as we are all human and fall SHORT not FAIL. We make mistakes and learn how to do better or or avoid the exact same thing from happening even if it happens again it usually doesn’t happen in the exact same way the next time unless you just did not care to learn AT ALL from it. SO plan a relapse method to for the barriers you know you will have to overcome. When I know for instance I will have to misss exercise in the future as there will be days I cannot for one reason or another (time, hospitalization, sickness, etc…) i plan what to do in the meantime (healthy eating, walking, when I can get back to it, adding it in my planner, and planning fun activities to start it back up) because it is hard to go back to it otherwise. I hope this helps. Don’t think of yourself as a failure but as human and think of needing backup/ relapse plans (stages of change model). I use this for nearly everything.

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