I’d love to stay and talk but it’s almost 8 o’clock and I haven’t got the time


After binging and purging for a couple hours, I decided today needed a do-over, and I went back to bed and slept for two more hours. I woke up less teary and less grumpy and less wanting to binge and purge, and more wanting to knit and play video games simultaneously (hard).

I might run errands this afternoon. I need to pick up my half-functioning bipolar medication at least. I am working on a couple knitting projects that I will probably work on today.

I also got a call from my rheumatologist. She said it sounds like the rashes on my hands are from my immune deficiencies and that there’s not much they can do about them, but she wants to see them in person, so there’s that.

I also left the pro-ana Facebook group. I feel good about that. Relieved, I think.

So while today started on a bad note, it’s looking up and hopefully it’ll end up being productive and positive.

15 responses »

  1. I find your blog incredible. What a paradox. I wish I had had a forum when I was younger to document my behaviour and yet it is distressing to read as I have been through the same issues. It is a very addictive cycle in which to get involved. I never sought help as I was so caught up in the control thing, not realising how out of control I was. If you want to speak more I would welcome that. In the meantime I trust that your honesty is making others look at themselves without being sucked into the awfulness. There is so much pain and you needn’t suffer alone or forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey 🙂 Hang on in there. You have just inspired me too to get things moving forward with the Survivor’s Knitwork scarf project (UK based – can’t remember what country you are in or where you are based – anyone can join in, in the UK). It sounds like you are getting away from what is toxic for you and pursuing what helps, and inspiring others in the process!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Those knitworks sound fab – socks are hard aren’t they, involve those strange circular needles? Or am i getting confused. I can only just about knit – quite hilarious to have initiated a knitting project – it’s therapeutic though isn’t it? 🙂 There is a site somewhere on mental health and knitting, I’ll try to find link for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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