Loveme Challenge, Day 8

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lovemechallenge

Day #8: Share a scar.

First of all, I’m a day late, sorry about that. Yesterday was hectic. I went to the ENT and had to run errands and pick up prescriptions, and then I went up to the mountains again with my dad for several hours, so I didn’t get a chance to do this one, so you’ll get this one and today’s today. 😀

I don’t know if it means a scar literally or figuratively. I’m going to share an actual, physical scar that I have.

scar

This scar is from the first time I cut deeper then superficially on my arm. It scared me. I should have gotten stitches, but I was afraid to go and tell someone what I’d done. I remember lying to my boss about it, when she saw it. I said I had caught it on a nail in my garage. I have no Idea whether she believed me. Probably not since I had a bunch of other self-harm scars on my arm.

For the longest time, I hated this scar. I thought it was huge and ugly. Well, it kind of still is, but I’ve come to accept it as part of my story. Part of my me, who I am, and where I’ve been. It’s a sign of strength. In that moment I could have given up. I was really struggling, but instead I found a way to cope. It may not have been a healthy way, but it kept me alive, and it kept me going, and it did its job until I could find better ways to cope. And I’m still here, still fighting, learning more and more how to thrive instead of just survive. I’m proud of that moment of strength when I chose not to give up.

16 responses »

  1. This was touching. I love stories of people that overcome the moments in life that are struggles. I find your willingness to share this an inspiration and I can relate in a lot of ways. There have been times in life that I have been self-destructive, as well. Granted, I did not self-harm, but the behavior of self-destruction is similar, I’m sure. I think the important thing, like you mentioned, is the rising past these moments. Bravo to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • It took a lot of therapy and some hospitalization and working through the stuff that was causing me to want to cut. I also learned other ways to cope with things like DBT and mindfulness and ACT and distraction and all kinds of useful tools. I would say seeking a qualified therapist would be your first step.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have the same scar. The one you really didn’t mean to go that deep on, that scared the shit out of you. I wrote a note saying I didn’t mean to die in case it happened, and called a friend to look up how much blood you can lose before you die. We’re both still here though, right?

    Like

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