But this time, it was due to the laxatives. Racing heart, shaking limbs, cramps, nausea, frequent trips to the bathroom. I hadn’t forgotten about these, but I had forgotten how much I disliked the feeling. Yet, I don’t want to stop taking the laxatives. I feel dizzy, but I feel clean. I am dehydrated, but I am empty. I feel powerful again. High on life. I have missed this. I feel weak and it proves that I am strong.