Day #1, Why are you doing #loveme?
Another blogger suggested I do it. I’m hoping that through doing this challenge I’ll learn more about myself, and hopefully gain at least a mild bit of appreciation for myself, if that’s possible.
My dad is a process server, meaning he’s the one who serves legal papers to people, things like summons to appear in court. Yesterday, he had some papers he needed to serve up in the mountains and asked if I wanted to go with him to keep him company. He served at a few casinos and I got to see lots of pretty scenery and some really cute towns.
I also gambled for the very first time! In the past, the closest I had come to gambling was the Las Vegas airport, which has slot machines in the terminals, but I didn’t use them, just looked. Yesterday, I went into my first casino and bet a whole dollar on the penny slots! I won big, 8 times my bet. Yes, I won $8 at the casino! It was probably the only time I’ll ever gamble, but it was a fun experience.
But this time, it was due to the laxatives. Racing heart, shaking limbs, cramps, nausea, frequent trips to the bathroom. I hadn’t forgotten about these, but I had forgotten how much I disliked the feeling. Yet, I don’t want to stop taking the laxatives. I feel dizzy, but I feel clean. I am dehydrated, but I am empty. I feel powerful again. High on life. I have missed this. I feel weak and it proves that I am strong.