I’m at the laundromat right now. I hate the laundromat. It’s hot and I feel like everyone is staring at me. However, it’s necessary, so I go. And it’s probably a good thing, it forces me to get out of the house. I really do hate it here, though. I feel grotesque. I feel like an oddity that people can’t help but sneak horrified glances at. I want to flee.
Tonight, one of my passions started up again: football!! Yes, it’s only the preseason, but any football is fantastic! And in 3 weeks, Ducks football starts too! I love football.
Today was pretty unexciting otherwise. I exercised, I I ate, I purged through more exercise, and I avoided calling the eating disorder clinic. Maybe Monday. It’ll depend on whether I buy a car this weekend, I think.
If I go back into recovery, that means going back onto a meal plan, and I HATE meal plans…
I am bored and awake instead of what I’d like to be, asleep and…well, just asleep.
I’ve been considering going back into recovery. I don’t know what my insurance would approve, but I’m thinking of looking into it. I think I’m ready to knock this out once and for all. Maybe? I’m thinking about it, anyway.
…When I could spend the whole day on my bike. In fact, I just might.
…Sleep all day, I can’t eat.
Sometimes, when I’m especially struggling, I miss being in the psychiatric unit of the hospital.
Right now is one of those times.
I started a new scarf today using the pattern above (the picture links to the pattern). I’ve been meaning to start the scarf for a few days now but the original pattern I was going to use had me a little intimidated. However, today I decided to just get started. Unfortunately, when I went to sit down and do it, the website with the pattern was down, so I had to search for another pattern. I landed on this one because I wanted something lacy and feminine for my niece and I was pretty sure I could figure out the pattern. So, after youtubing the stitches, I got to work!
I tested the pattern on an extra skein of yarn I have first to make sure I actually understood the pattern. Once I had that down, I started the real thing. It’s only about 6 inches long so far, but I’ve started! And considering it’s only going to be about 2 and a half feet long, I think I made good progress!
Today was productive in some other ways too, in the sense that I did some housecleaning and got in a workout, but between my lingering fibromyalgia pain and my anxiety, I wasn’t up to leaving the house for a walk. I did do my nails, though, and that always makes me feel a little better about myself.
A friend posted this.
a2eternity 