The last few days I’ve been pretty stable. My mood has been pretty alright, I haven’t been up or down, I haven’t been depressed or manic, I haven’t been suicidal or making impulsive (read stupid) decisions, I’ve been ok. And frankly, it’s freaking me out.
I just don’t know how to deal with being “normal” or steady or okay. I am so used to being sick and broken and in crisis that being stable feels so foreign it feels wrong. I feel like I need to do something. Like I need to be sick again so I need to do something drastic that will prove that no, really, I am still struggling. Steady scares me. Okay makes me anxious.
I don’t know how long this period of stability will last, but I’m trying to learn to handle it. To not let the uncomfortableness with the newness of it cause me to make any poor decisions. I’m trying to learn how to deal with just being ok without letting it push me back to the sickness I’m trying so hard to recovery from.
a2eternity 
Celebrate! Since knitting is helping you cope, how about knitting something (that isn’t clothing) to celebrate? Mp3/Smartphone holder? Bottle cozy for your workout water bottles? Little stuffed toy mascot?
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Being okay is okay. Being not okay is okay, but being okay is better. I really hope you learn to be okay with being okay, becuase I want you to be happy.
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Thank you
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Love and Light! I applaud your honesty and appreciate you. Feeling normal can feel strange because it isn’t your normal. Meditation and Self Work have helped me reach my center, maybe they will work for you.
Namaste.
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Thank you š
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Sometimes I feel like that after a long stent of bad days or good days like something is about to happen, LOL. But Like everyone says enjoy the moment! Sec by sec #babysteps {HUGZ}
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You are still struggling: it takes a lot of work to have stable, OK days. Give yourself credit.
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I can really relate to this, and I’m really happy that you are sharing this, when this pain has been there as long as one can remember and it’s hard to let go! But see it like having a big pimple for a long time and then finally it’s calmed down for now! Enjoy it, you deserve it!
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Normalcy is like dieting: it’s not instantaneous and numbers lie. Well, numbers don’t actually lie but they say way too many truths and you have to pick one, but that’s beside the point. It’s baby steps and patience and a lot of talking to yourself (which isn’t a form of insanity) to try and keep encouraged.
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Wow. You described that perfectly. I have those same conflicting emotions all. the. time. I hope you can find a way to learn to accept that it’s okay to feel ‘okay’. I’m cheering for you.. ā¤
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Thank you š
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I get your post being okay feels weird especially when living in chaos for so long. It’s almost boring lol
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Feeling the feelings instead of feeding (or starving) the feelings is super hard. Hugs! (Sometimes it helps me to do a couple volunteer hours somewhere.)
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I have said these very same words. Hang tight, there will come more and more days where normal days are well…. the norm and chaos will feel abnormal.
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I hope so.
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You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. I remember that–waiting thinking it was the calm before the storm. And then nothing. And you’re all worked up, hard wired to be anxious. It gets better love
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I think I’ve been in a similar spot, of wanting — of all things– to be sick again, in order to prove we’re struggling, to prove we need help; to make sure we get support and people don’t think “oh, you’re back to normal” and back off. Sometimes being sick becomes too much a part of who we are.
Be you. Believe in the okay you.
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Thanks, I’m trying š
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