Jul28

Fear and Drive

Posted on July 28, 2015 by abstemious2eternity

Normally on days I have physical therapy I don’t workout on my own because I’m sore and tired from PT. However, tonight, I was worried about how much food I’ve eaten today and weighing in tomorrow morning, so I got in another workout. I pushed myself really hard, too. Harder than I have in the last week.

Tomorrow I will be on my own for part of the day. Those days are always the hardest. They’re the days I end up binging on food or self-harming or buying things I shouldn’t or planning an overdose or so many other self-destructive things. I try so hard to stay stable on my days alone but I just don’t know how.

7 responses »

Shrewed Up on July 29, 2015 at 6:13 am said:

Just writing from experience here, but the self-destructive things are coping mechanisms for dealing with something more serious. I used similar mechanisms to deal with childhood trauma and anxiety. I’m in therapy and working through all of this junk. If you haven’t already done so, perhaps a next step would be to speak to someone to help you muddle through your pain and sort out your emotions. Either way, big hugs.

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- abstemious2eternity on July 29, 2015 at 7:12 am said:
  
  Thank you. I see someone right now. She wants me to start a year-long DBT program, and I’m also looking for an affordable trauma therapist.
  
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  - Shrewed Up on July 29, 2015 at 7:53 am said:
    
    Great start. Best wishes to you and don’t forget . . . you are not alone in your struggle.
    
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ladycamecu on July 29, 2015 at 9:08 am said:

You are definitely not alone and talking about it helps! Someone is always listening. It is very brave to even be able to tell people how you feel. I wish you the best and just know that I want to see you blog again and in good health! Push through! You have made it before which means you can do it again, take it a small step at a time even if you have take it day by day or break it down second by second!

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- abstemious2eternity on July 29, 2015 at 9:08 am said:
  
  Thank you so much!
  
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rlc78 on July 29, 2015 at 12:46 pm said:

keep knitting. stop stressing, blog just distract yourself. that’s what I do. I have just found out I have another stress fracture. try and help yourself.

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- abstemious2eternity on July 29, 2015 at 12:53 pm said:
  
  Thanks. I’ll definitely do that. I hope you heal quickly!
  
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