Day One of Plan “Be Better”

Day one of my plan to be better is going well. It’s 4pm and I haven’t eaten. I have, however, worked out. It was hard. I am in so much fibromyalgia pain, my whole body hurts. I got hardly any sleep last night because of it. Working out through it took all my determination. And yet, I did it!

I also got good news. I have insurance again! I was able to pick up the 3 prescriptions I haven’t had, including my fibromyalgia medication. While it doesn’t provide immediate relief, I am so grateful to have it again.

I’m worried about the logistics of not eating until Sunday. I know that I can do it, physically, but I also know my mom is bound to notice. Earlier today, I was told that if I’m not going back to treatment, I need to tell my parents how they can help me with recovery. I have nothing for them, since I’m not trying to recover. I don’t really want to have that conversation, though. I’m afraid that now that my parents have been involved in my treatment, and have forced me into treatment before, they will give me some kind of ultimatum if they realize I’m not eating. I really need to move out on my own so I can fully make my own decisions.

11 responses »

threekidsandi on July 14, 2015 at 7:37 pm said:

I don’t think the human body is designed to withstand what you plan for it.

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- abstemious2eternity on July 14, 2015 at 7:49 pm said:
  
  Well, maybe it needs to learn.
  
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  - threekidsandi on July 14, 2015 at 8:15 pm said:
    
    Perhaps you could train it a bit slowly? Running out of food was always hard on my body. Have you got vitamins?
    
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    - abstemious2eternity on July 14, 2015 at 8:22 pm said:
      
      I don’t have any vitamins, but I could pick some up.
      
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      - threekidsandi on July 14, 2015 at 9:17 pm said:
        
        I think you should. Vitamins are so good for your body. If your cells haven’t got food at regular intervals to keep them regenerating, perhaps the vitamins will help hold them over until food comes their way.
        
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rlc78 on July 15, 2015 at 12:04 am said:

Why?

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- abstemious2eternity on July 15, 2015 at 5:32 am said:
  
  Why what?
  
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mostbeautifullands on July 15, 2015 at 2:40 am said:

Can I ask why you aren’t eating? I always found that restricting like that set me up for days of rebellion and much more disordered behaviour afterwards… Please be careful. Our bodies need food; make sure you are honouring yours! Sending love xxx

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- abstemious2eternity on July 15, 2015 at 5:35 am said:
  
  Because I don’t deserve food. I know I, unfortunately, have to eat, so I’m eating on Sundays. Hopefully, over time, I can train my body to not need food at all.
  
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FaithFoodFear on July 15, 2015 at 3:38 am said:

The less you eat, the more you feed the eating disorder. Trust me, I know. maybe focus on eating tiny things throughout the day. Even if it’s a handful of nuts.

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- abstemious2eternity on July 15, 2015 at 5:40 am said:
  
  I can’t, I don’t deserve food. I’m only eating on Sundays because I haven’t trained my body to not need food, but I’m hoping to get there.
  
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