Daily Archives: July 11, 2015

Anxiety and Avoidance

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My anxiety has been really bad lately.

This evening, I was supposed to go to a barbecue with a friend. I didn’t really want to go in the first place, but she didn’t want to go alone.

Today, my anxiety was very high. I was freaking out about going. I canceled on her.

I feel terrible. I also feel relieved.

I hate that my anxiety makes me an awful, flaky friend. I hate that it keeps me from doing things I want to, or should, do. I wish I knew how to fight it or change it, but I don’t. I’ve tried everything my counselor suggests and nothing helps.

Insurance and pain

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My insurance dropped me, so I’m no longer in treatment.

I’ve been really struggling lately. I cut after each time I eat to punish myself. I don’t deserve food. 

I’ll never deserve it.