Depression and Apathy


This morning, depression and apathy had set in.

I called the treatment center back after missing a call from them. They want me to come back. Just the thought sent me into a full blown panic attack.

I’m struggling to balance my eating. Everything in me wants to restrict, but I’m trying to not lose all the progress of over a month in PHP, but so much of me just doesn’t care.

I did manage to eat a small bowl of cereal this morning. Not my full meal plan, but something is better than nothing, I suppose.

I’m considering doing “snacks” from my meal plan for my meals, so I’d be having 6 snacks a day. That seems much more attainable. Especially since the snacks are so meal-like anyway.

In good news, it’s been 2 weeks since I last binged and purged, and 55 days since I self-harmed.


3 responses »

  1. I don’t think you’ll like this comment but…if you were meant to be eating snacks for meals then your meal plan would say that, if it says meals and snacks then that is what you should be aiming for. It’s time to start trusting the professionals and not your ED- once you get further down the road then you’ll be in a strong position to trust yourself, but right now listen to those who are trying to help you not keep you down.
    Lecture over! Sorry for being so harsh- I fully understand it’s easier said than done- my intentions are good honestly. And WELL DONE for 2 weeks no b/p-ing and 55 days self harm, go you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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