Yesterday

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Yesterday was rough.

It started with me being incapable of providing a urine sample, which made me late for breakfast. It’s hard enough to finish when I have the full time. I was grumpy and exhausted.

At lunch, it was one of those stupid meals where one person is having a hard time and it infects everyone else. Out of the five patients at my table, four of us didn’t finish lunch. My first boost at this treatment center.

It feels like we’re eating all day. Breakfast, group, snack, group, lunch, group, snack, group, dinner, wrap up, evening snack.

In the afternoon, I found out my insurance said if I went to the work conference I was supposed to go to today, they would cut me off. That was devastating, and it took me the rest of the day and overnight to recover.

Needless to say, I was in a terrible mood at dinner. On top of that, dibber was disgusting. This reinforced my contrary mood, and I refused to eat dinner. 

More boost.

I chose the wrong flavor of boost and nearly threw up every time I tried to drink it. That was the hardest boost I’ve ever had.

When I was picked up, my parents wanted to get dinner for themselves on the way  home.  I told them I hadn’t eaten dinner and they bought me food, which I ate frantically, then purged.

I also found another bottle of laxatives I had hidden. I proceeded to take some.

So yesterday sucked.

Today is going better.  

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5 responses »

  1. The end of your entry is the reason I know you’re going to succeed. You can write about an absolutely awful day and still end it with optimism – hope for today. That is the key. Recovery doesn’t mean you won’t have terrible days. It doesn’t mean that everything is going to be sunshine and roses from here on out. It just means that you’ll be better equipped to deal with the bad days (i.e. be sad without being destructive) and that the bad days won’t feed into each other as much (i.e. one bad day won’t lead to a whole week of bad days which leads into a month of bad days and then you’re back where you started). One bad day will be just that – a bad day. We all have those. You’re going to make it. Take heart. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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