Monthly Archives: February 2015

Diagnosis

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When I was talking to the eating disorder center’s intake coordinator last week, she suggested I get evaluated for bipolor disorder based on my answers to some of her questions.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today, so I planned to bring it up.

I didn’t have to. She brought it up first. She recommended a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and prescribed a mood stabilizer for me. She told me that it’s common for people with bipolar to get worse, or even suicidal, on antidepressants.

After I had time to process it, I felt both a sense of relief and hope and of frustration and anger. I feel relieved and hopeful because I feel like so many questions I had about myself have been answered and I have a plan of action that could actually help. I feel anger and frustration because I have been telling doctors and mental health professionals for years that antidepressants make me worse and suicidal and they always just brushed me off like I was crazy and then prescribed a new antidepressant, then acted like I had done something wrong when I proceeded to get worse.

I told my mom this afternoon and she started crying. I thought she was upset about the diagnosis, but when I asked her about it, she said it was relief. She told me she’s never been so relieved about bad news before.

I’m unsure whether to tell anyone else. I told a close friend, but I don’t know whether I’ll tell other friends, or my siblings. Still thinking on this. Thoughts?

Lab Results

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My doctor’s office called today. My thyroid is still low, despite raising the dosage of my medication numorous times in the last year. I’m also anemic. These two things together might account for why I feel so exhausted all the time.

Ensure

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Drinking my first Ensure. I wish it didn’t list the calories on the front of the bottle. And don’t look at the ingredients, because it’s essentially sugar water. Just thinking about this if freaking me out, so I’m going to play a game while I drink it so hopefully I won’t think about it as much.