When I was talking to the eating disorder center’s intake coordinator last week, she suggested I get evaluated for bipolor disorder based on my answers to some of her questions.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today, so I planned to bring it up.

I didn’t have to. She brought it up first. She recommended a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and prescribed a mood stabilizer for me. She told me that it’s common for people with bipolar to get worse, or even suicidal, on antidepressants.

After I had time to process it, I felt both a sense of relief and hope and of frustration and anger. I feel relieved and hopeful because I feel like so many questions I had about myself have been answered and I have a plan of action that could actually help. I feel anger and frustration because I have been telling doctors and mental health professionals for years that antidepressants make me worse and suicidal and they always just brushed me off like I was crazy and then prescribed a new antidepressant, then acted like I had done something wrong when I proceeded to get worse.

I told my mom this afternoon and she started crying. I thought she was upset about the diagnosis, but when I asked her about it, she said it was relief. She told me she’s never been so relieved about bad news before.

I’m unsure whether to tell anyone else. I told a close friend, but I don’t know whether I’ll tell other friends, or my siblings. Still thinking on this. Thoughts?


9 responses »

  1. I’m glad you have a diagnosis! Sometimes it’s an awesome thing because now you can get the exact help you need.

    My suggestion? Tell who you want to, when you want to, how you want to.

    Generally–it’s no ones business but your own. If you feel like people will label you and not understand you, screw them they are not worth telling.

    When I recently had my major relapse, I tried telling my closest friends. Some actually bailed on me. And that hurt. So be prepared because some people are just self centered. I wasn’t ready for that.

    So I took my time with others–including my own sisters.

    Another thing is some people might try and use it against you whenever you speak your mind–don’t let that haunt you! Like don’t let that fear hold you back for ever voicing your needs and concerns!!

    In the realm of the world–do what is best for you. Because it is your life and you deserve happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s such a stigma around mental illness and disorder…if it were me I would pick and choose who I told. Some people will definitely not handle it well. I am glad you have a diagnosis, though. BPD is extremely challenging when not properly addressed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am glad you got a doctor who will listen to you, who knows their stuff. It’s priceless.
    I was also very relieved when my son was diagnosed as autistic, because now he could get proper help. I have read a thousand stories about parents crying their eyes out with disappointment over the same diagnosis, and I felt none of that. Just happy it was pinpointed, and relief that he would finally get decent help.
    I understand your mother completely.
    I am happy that you are able to get treated!

    Liked by 1 person

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