An exercise in will?

I leave for California in 2 weeks. All I can think of is how massive and disgusting I am.

He wants to go to the beach and I just want to hide inside.

I keep toying with the idea of not eating between now and when I leave.

No middle ground, no balance

This pretty much says it all.

The gold calls to us

There is a blue vein in my left wrist that sticks out. I’m left-handed, so I normally don’t cut on my left arm. However, when I look at this vein, I want to open it.

It calls to me. It’s not a suicidal thing. It’s not even really a self-harm thing. I just feel the desire to slice into it, to see the blood.

Just to see the blood.

The way it sticks up underneath my skin, it’s like it’s daring me to look inside. 

Alas, anorexic nurses. Ugh.