I had 354 calories in one meal. It’ll be my only meal today so that I can drink tonight. However, i had more calories in this meal than I ate all day yesterday and that freaks me out
It’s amazing how quickly my mind goes back into freakout mode when I get back into restricting. I think I’ll go purge, I feel sick and so full. I might eliminate my 800 days and tonight. This is just too much.
a2eternity 
My mind is fond of freakout mode, too. Eventually, the brain that does this ends up trying to short circuit to it and freak constantly. You might want to try something for anxiety. I am supposed to try mindfulness or meditation. Maybe you would have better luck with it than I.
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I’ve tried mindfulness and have some experience with DBT but I haven’t found ot that helpful.
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well stop the addiction, let the thoughts in but dont hold onto them, yes you are freaking out, I am freaking out, distract yourself, and not by feeding the thought, let it in.. let it out think of something nice…. so what if it was more than yesterday, you need it, unless you dont really want to change? sorry if this offends you. it wouldn’t be a battle if you did not offer resistance. who do you want to win really?
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I appreciate the advice.
I don’t want to recover at the moment, though.
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I’m sorry you are freaking out. At least for me, if I didn’t give in to the freak outs, they started coming less often, $ when they did, it was easier to handle them. I know it’s hard, but just give it time. One Day at a Time, or ODAT to borrow from other addiction recovery programs.
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