Daily Archives: July 12, 2014

I’ve never once been beautiful

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This is what I would look like if I were in an anime. I’m pretty sure Miyazaki used my picture as his model for the Witch of the Waste.

I am huge and the fat just rolls all over my body. If I were brave enough, I would post a picture of myself and shock everyone when they see how ridiculously fat I actually am.

 

Derailing

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What do you do when you’re a train wreck?

What do you do when you sit in a room of people playing Rock Band 3, all enjoying themselves, and you feel absolutely alone?

What do you do when all you want is to be alone, cut, and binge and purge, and who knows what else?

What do you do when you just want to talk to someone about how your life is falling to pieces, and you mentally go through the list of all the people you know, and none of them are people you feel you can tell?

What do you do when you have company from out of state and you just wish they would go home so you can fall apart with some semblance of dignity?

What do you do when you can’t keep from crying, no matter what you try?

What do you do when everywhere you turn for help tells you to go screw yourself?

What do you do when life just doesn’t seem worth it?

What do you do when you hate yourself more than you could possibly hate anyone, including people who do horrible things to other people?

What do you do when you don’t know how to keep going, but don’t know how to stop?

What do you do when it feels like you’re actually going insane?

What do you do when you wish tomorrow would never come?

What do you do when you can’t even get through a single day without some kind of meltdown or mental breakdown?

What do you do when you have all the questions but no one has the answers?

What do you do when you are the train and you can see you’re about to derail, but you just can’t do anything about it?

What do you do once you finally derail?

What do you do?

Does it even matter?