After finding out that I am not actually starting PHP, next week or otherwise, I spent many hours binging and purging and trying to numb myself. It hasn’t been very successful.
I feel like such a failure. I failed at getting into treatment. I failed at being sick enough to make anyone take interest. I failed at being thin enough for anyone’s concern. I failed, I fail, I will fail. That’s all I do.
I will die fat and a failure.