After finding out that I am not actually starting PHP, next week or otherwise, I spent many hours binging and purging and trying to numb myself. It hasn’t been very successful.
I feel like such a failure. I failed at getting into treatment. I failed at being sick enough to make anyone take interest. I failed at being thin enough for anyone’s concern. I failed, I fail, I will fail. That’s all I do.
I will die fat and a failure.
I got a call from the eating disorder center. They’re actually not going to admit me. at all.
So, they’ve basically just been leading me on and flat out lying to me for the last month.
I give up. I just do. Screw treatment. Screw recovery. Screw people who are supposed to help you but just lie to you. Who needs recovery anyway?
I got up today and went to weigh myself, but every time I tried, my scale displayed “LO” instead, indicating the battery is dying.
I unscrewed the battery door to see if I had any of the batteries it takes, but I don’t. Sad, sad day. I’m rather distraught. I literally have no money right now, so no new battery for me.
If anyone wants to send me a new battery for my birthday (which is on Thursday) I wouldn’t complain. 😉