I got home and my dad asked, in a very concerned voice, “Have you eaten at all today?”
I admitted I had not and he looked more concerned, so I decided to eat some carrots.
Instead of just telling him how crappy I felt and how upset my stomach was, I tried to alleviate his concern. With carrots.
I ALWAYS forget how hard raw carrots are on my stomach. Always. So, I ate them, and quickly felt the stomach pain.
After feeling terrible for a bit, I decided to head to bed. When I got to my room, the realization of what I had done hit me. I ate food. I ate food and DIDN’T purge. I ate food I didn’t purge on the same day I didn’t work out and when I didn’t take laxatives this evening. It’s just sitting inside me, decaying, and making me fatter.
My mind went into full-out freak out mode.
“Shit, shit, shit! I can’t believe I did that! I’m going to gain so much weight tonight! I’m going to blow up like a balloon! What was I thinking?? How do I fix this!?”
And even though I know how silly that seems, I’m still freaking out.