Daily Archives: June 25, 2014

Well, look who’s knitting!


It’s not the cleanest, and it’s still very slow going, but I finally figured it out!

My mom got home and I explained the problem I was having. I didn’t even know my mom knew how to knit. She showed me a different way to cast on, and that solved part of the problem. Then, we sat for about an hour passing the needles back and forth trying to figure out how to adjust everything so I can knit left-handed. We finally got everything figured out.

I am actually really enjoying myself. I started crying a little. I needed something like this. Something healthy and productive that I can put my time toward. In the last couple hours, I haven’t engaged in any behaviors, I’ve been learning to knit.


In Which I do NOT Learn to Knit



I grabbed my new knitting needles, pulled my box of yarn from to the shelf in my closet, and set to finding tutorials for knitting.

I tried right-handed tutorials, I tried left-handed tutorials, I tried videos and articles, I just don’t understand. 😦

The picture is how far I’ve gotten. I’m not even sure that part is correct. And I can’t figure out how to do the next row. I know I’m supposed to “put the second needle through the first loop” and “wrap the yarn around the working needle” and “pull it through the loop” but what all that actually means in mechanics, I can’t figure it out. I’m not sure how the loop gets off the original needle, or what direction I’m supposed to be going through these loops, or, just pretty much anything.

I’m really sad.

I’m going to keep trying to find instructions I understand, though. I don’t want to give up.

If nothing else, maybe I can sneak into an assisted living home and one of the elderly ladies can teach me… Seriously, though, it shouldn’t be this hard to figure out, should it?

What do you like to do in your free time?


Watch TV
Learn new skills
Climb walls like Spiderman
Host parties

These are all examples of ways you could answer this question. Me? “Uhh….eat…and then throw up?”

Last year, before my relapse, I signed up for a dating site on a whim, and then accidentally paid for a whole year (because, you know, who reads the fine print?).

I don’t ever go on the site, but once in a while, someone will start talking to me. I get this question a lot. Every time, I think I should just be honest so they can get scared and run away instead of feeling hurt by someone who’s not interested in them.

I was thinking about this today because I’m home alone, which I’ve mentioned doesn’t happen very often. And not just for a few hours either, but for the whole day. My first thought in these situations is always to binge and purge. I start planning it out. What I will eat, in what order. How long this or that takes to cook/bake, so when I need to start it and what I can eat while I’m waiting for it to finish. It’s pretty ridiculous.


Eating Disorder references on TV


Woman (on elliptical): Just 5 more minutes, I had a huge dinner last night.
Man: I’m sure you’ve worked off all that celery by now.

Later in the episode…

Woman #1, again on the elliptical.
Man: Get down, you look like a gerbil.
Woman #2, to man: You’ve got him (the son of Woman 1 and Man) so scared of you, he’s afraid to tell you the truth.
Woman #1: He’s not afraid of me!
Woman #2: Of course he’s not afraid of you, he could snap you like a twig!
Woman #1, excited and looking flattered: Really!? Like a twig!?