Yeah, that was a really bad idea.

Too…many…laxatives…

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I have a confession to make

I am currently listening to this song. And I love Minecraft.

I remember when I first heard about the game a few years ago, I thought it sounded ridiculously stupid. I soon after discovered that one of my best friends played and she encouraged me to try it out. I did.

I loved it.

I still do.

I don’t play very often at the moment, what with binging and purging and biking and dying, but I’m hoping that once I’m back on the past to recovery I’ll start playing again.

I know this is a bad idea but…

Ok, I don’t know if I’d call taking laxatives “happy hour”…

I got a message from the eating disorder center and they need me to get more labs, they need up to date ones. So, I go in to my doctor Thursday and I’ll have her get them then. My first thought was, “when I take a lot of laxatives, my potassium always drops quickly, so I should take ALL the laxatives between now and then so my insurance can see actual proof that there’s a problem.”

So, I’ve been taking a handful every hour on the hour.

I know, I know, this is a bad plan. But I feel like I have to prove myself. I feel like I need to justify this level of care. I mean, am I really sick enough for PHP?

I don’t feel like I am.

Grieving

I keep thinking about you, and that makes me sad, which makes me pedal faster. 

Faster. 

Faster. 

Sometimes, I ED-talk to the TV

Commercial: When I can’t go, it feels like bricks piling up.

Me: Laxatives.

I have a strict exercise regimine

This post is gluten-free

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with you going gluten-free, whether it’s for health reasons or just because you want to. I just find it funny how a concept catches on and then everyone is doing it, whether they understand it or not. I also find it hilarious when a product is labeled gluten-free when there’s no reason there should ever be gluten in that product. (Did you know Twizzlers are gluten-free?)

Not Obsessed: Part 2

I realized this morning, as I was logging my weight into my phone, that I keep track of my weight in 3 different apps, and my exercise in 2 of them. But I swear, I am not obsessed.

Making progress!

Last night was pretty pretty terrible. My body was in so much fibromyalgia pain, combined with muscle fatigue, everything ached, and I just lay in my bed and cried. For a couple hours.

My sleep last night was fitful, and filled with unpleasant dreams. I woke up with a terrible migraine. I wanted to stay in bed, but I had to get up because people were coming by to inspect the units.

I didn’t have time right away to do my weighing routine because I still had a few thing to take care of this morning. (You know, making my bed, cleaning the cat litter, stuff I couldn’t really do last night, or needed to be done again.)

Because I hadn’t weighed yet, I couldn’t drink or eat anything because I needed to get as accurate a weight as possible. They about an hour after arriving (they kept going in and out, checking different things) and the first thing I did was run to the bathroom, undress, and weigh myself.

I was down 3 pounds. Finally, after a month of over exercising on top of my normal behaviors, and having absolutely NO weight loss, it’s starting to budge. It kind of makes me want to not start PHP next week because I’m finally making progress.

To protect my purity and avoid lustfulness

This article does a good job at showing the double standards there are for women when it comes to modesty and “protecting men” from immodest thoughts and lust.