Daily Archives: June 2, 2014

Mental incompetance


I’ve been having trouble keeping track of what year it is. The other day, I thought wrote that it was 2010 before I caught myself. Today, I was thinking it was 2015.

Sometimes, I forget my cat’s name. I’ve had her for almost 3 years.

It takes me a while to figure out and remember people’s faces. Sometimes I can meet someone, talk to them for an hour, and then not recognize them when I see them again.

If there are actors on a show or movie who look similar, I can’t always tell them apart.

I have forgotten my own name, and today, I had to look at my prescription to remember the spelling of my own name to give it to the pharmacist over the phone.

When I was dating someone earlier this year, I sometimes couldn’t remember his name.

Sometimes when I go to read something, the print makes no sense and doesn’t even register as words.

I had to buy a weekly pill sorter very similar to the one above because not only do I sometimes forget to take my meds, but sometimes I can’t remember whether or not I have taken them that day.

I could keep giving examples.

I have brought these up to numerous doctors, but none of them take them seriously. It’s frustrating, and also frightening.


Knee pain and muscle weakness


Each day I have been increasing the duration of my workouts. I’m trying to work up to a specific goal (that I don’t want to share at the moment) so I add between 5 and 10 minutes each day.

Yesterday, I was responsible and took a rest day. It was HARD. However, I understand how bodies work, and I could tell my body needed the rest, so I forced myself to rest.

Today, when I went to do my workout, I was hopeful. I took a rest day, today’s going to be great! I’ll be rested, I’ll be able to workout longer, faster, better!



Thirty-six seconds into my workout, my legs were screaming and complaining about how tired they were and how they didn’t want to do this.

36 seconds…

I have a feeling it had more to do with a lack of fuel (food) than being tired from exertion. So, I pushed through, and did increase my time. Unfortunately, whenever I exercise, my left knee and foot hurt. It’s very frustrating. After a while, though, I stop noticing.

On a random note, I did my workout today in a full length dress. Because I’m awesome like that. It did have a racerback cut, though, so that makes it sportswear, right? (The below picture is not me.)

Assuming I’m not in treatment (I doubt I’ll start before next Monday) I’m going to my brothers’ place this weekend. I enjoy being there with them, but I’m not looking forward to not being able to use my equipment for 3 days. Hopefully their pool will be open and I can go swimming.


More treatment updates


I went to the doctor this morning. I was threatened with hospitalization if I don’t get into treatment within the next week.

No pressure.

She is also worried about my heart. My potassium and iron are still low, and she’s concerned the laxatives and diet pills are putting too much strain on my heart.

I will admit, I’m a little worried. I had a friend die in September from bulimia. Her heart stopped.

When I got home from the doctor, I called the treatment center and spoke with the intake coordinator. I explained the whole long story to her, and she set up an intake evaluation for Wednesday morning. It can’t get here fast enough

I’m ready. I’m scared, but I’m ready. I want to recover. I want to get better. I just really hope my insurance doesn’t fight it.

My doctor was really frustrated with my insurance this morning. She mentioned how they won’t pay for things people need, then they get worse, then they end up having to pay anyway, but pay for more.

It’s true. If they hadn’t cut me off, I’d be 2 months into treatment right now. Maybe I would be doing way better. But now, they had to pay for a hospital stay, and instead of paying for the intensive outpatient they need to pay for partial hospitalization or inpatient.

In other news, one of my close friends started PHP today. I’m so proud of her!