Eating Disordered Skeleton

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Imagine, if you will, a skeleton. It could be male or female, but for this example, I’ll use female pronouns.

Picture this skeleton as she reaches her bone hand up to her face. She runs a finger along her cheekbone. She traces her jaw. She moves her hand down to where her throat should be, detailing each vertebrae.

She sighs.

She raises her other hand and follows her collar bones, one with each hand. She crosses her right hand over to feel the left collar bone. She slowly lowers both hands, feeling each rib carefully.

She wraps her hands around her waist…her spine. She rubs her hip bones. She pays close attention to how they jut away from her body. She wraps a hand around her femur.

Tears well up in her hollow eyes.

She extends her leg and flexes her toes. Even her toes are too fat. She circles the fingers of her right hand around her left wrist, noting the feel of her wrist bones. She slides her fingers up her arm.

Her arms are still too fat. Everything is still too fat.

Tears start to fall, landing softly on collarbones and ribs.

She walks outside, broken, yet determined. She picks up a rock about the size of her bony fist. She takes it back inside.

Sitting on her bed, she takes the rock and scrapes it back and forth against her leg.

If I can just grind down the bone, I can be thinner. If I can reach marrow, maybe I will be thin enough.

7 responses »

  1. It’s so true. Our minds are never satisfied… even when we starve ourselves to the bone. It’s terrifying, really, but it’s something that we have to accept. That the further we go in our illness, the farther it is to make it back. Thanks for the reality-check. I needed it today. Much love ❤

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  2. That’s quite a description. And the perception that even a skeleton is fat is very powerful.
    I wonder how you can change your perception of yourself?
    And grinding down the bone to be thinner.
    But I wonder if you could ever be thin enough?
    There must be a medication out there that can help. Surely?
    Seroquel worked wonders for me. It changed my perceptions.

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    • “But I wonder if you could ever be thin enough?”
      No, that’s part of what I was trying to portray with this. There is never a “thin enough”.

      I have never heard of a medication that helps with it, but I don’t know for sure.

      Like

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