So, my friend B picked me up this morning and took me to my behavioral health appointment. The appointment went ok, but he told me something I wasn’t expecting to hear.
“You have a severe eating disorder, and I think you need to do inpatient.”
First of all, I don’t think of my eating disorder as being “severe”. Yes, I clearly have a problem, but severe?
Second, inpatient? My treatment team at the ED center had wanted me to do partial hospitalization, but being told I need inpatient was hard for some reason.
Is my eating disorder really that bad? It doesn’t feel like it.
Also, I just don’t want to do inpatient. That would mean losing all my freedom, and having every sliver of normalcy I have at the moment stripped away. It would mean being told not only when and what and how much to eat for every meal, but where to be and what to be doing for every moment of every day.
However, when he asked me right out if I would do inpatient if he set it up, I said I would.
So, he is going to look into finding a placement for me and getting it approved by my insurance. All I have to do is wait for his call telling me when and where to go.
Someone (me) is a little bit (lot) nervous.