I can’t even think of a title…

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I still haven’t been able to eat anything.

I am getting some water down, and I remembered to take my meds today, which is good.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night, so I got up at 6am after trying for hours to sleep. I had been wanting to cut, this seems to come up more when I’m sleep deprived, so I grabbed a coloring book and my colored pencils and colored for a bit while I listened to The Wonder Years on Netflix.

After everyone else woke up, I went and used my bike until I thought I couldn’t pedal anymore, and then made myself keep going. Afterward I took a shower. It’s a good thing there’s a bench in my shower, or I wouldn’t have made it, my legs were like liquid.

I have taken both weight loss pills and laxatives today, but I’m feeling pretty good.

On a positive note, I told a friend about my ride situation and she offered to take me to my behavioral health appointment in the morning. I’m very relieved. I know that I need to go tomorrow, and if I had to reschedule, I’m not sure I’d work up the strength to go.

In other news, my x-rays are scheduled for next Thursday to see whether or not I have rheumatoid arthritis. I’m looking forward to that just so I can find out one way or the other.

I need to study today. I’m scared of failing my classes. I just can’t seem to get myself to actually do it. I also want to exercise again before I go to bed. Hopefully I can actually sleep tonight.

I feel like there’s more I want to write, more I want to express, but I can’t seem to actually form it into anything.

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