Reaching level 30

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In just over a month, I turn 30.

I can’t believe this.

I always thought I would have accomplished certain things by age 30. Graduating college, marrying, having children. Not being bulimic or depressed.

I haven’t accomplished any of that.

In fact, off the top of my head, I can’t tell you a single thing I haveaccomplished.

I don’t have a job and I can’t work. I’m in school, but I’m not doing great because bulimia is kicking my butt right now. I live with my parents again. I don’t even have the energy to set up my exercise bike.

I have never minded getting older. I was never worried about wrinkles or grey hairs. Being asked my age never bothered me.

However, all of a sudden, about 10 minutes ago, it hit me. I will be 30. And for some reason I can’t explain, I am terrified at the prospect.

14 responses »

  1. I am more than a decade older than 30! But I can tell tell you that I cried the entire day on my 30th bday. I think we all think about the things we haven’t done when we reach milestone dates…and it is kind of like losing weight, nothing is ever god enough.

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  2. Thirty just sounds so undeniably adult. When I turned 30 last year I was so mad at myself for still having a “teen issue” like anarexia. I always figured I would just grow out of it, and leaving my 20s made me actually really realize that this is actually my life, which is disappointing and hard. I love your blog and I love your writing. I’m sure you’ve done more than you realize, even if it’s hard to see that right now.

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