Reaching level 30


In just over a month, I turn 30.

I can’t believe this.

I always thought I would have accomplished certain things by age 30. Graduating college, marrying, having children. Not being bulimic or depressed.

I haven’t accomplished any of that.

In fact, off the top of my head, I can’t tell you a single thing I haveaccomplished.

I don’t have a job and I can’t work. I’m in school, but I’m not doing great because bulimia is kicking my butt right now. I live with my parents again. I don’t even have the energy to set up my exercise bike.

I have never minded getting older. I was never worried about wrinkles or grey hairs. Being asked my age never bothered me.

However, all of a sudden, about 10 minutes ago, it hit me. I will be 30. And for some reason I can’t explain, I am terrified at the prospect.


14 responses »

  1. I am more than a decade older than 30! But I can tell tell you that I cried the entire day on my 30th bday. I think we all think about the things we haven’t done when we reach milestone dates…and it is kind of like losing weight, nothing is ever god enough.


  2. Thirty just sounds so undeniably adult. When I turned 30 last year I was so mad at myself for still having a “teen issue” like anarexia. I always figured I would just grow out of it, and leaving my 20s made me actually really realize that this is actually my life, which is disappointing and hard. I love your blog and I love your writing. I’m sure you’ve done more than you realize, even if it’s hard to see that right now.


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