I started taking laxatives again

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Today.

I know I should be, but I’m very excited.

The last two times I abused laxatives, my parents searched my things, took them, and threw them away. Because I’m 15.

This time, I thought long and hard about how and where to find them and how not to be found out. Because that’s what people with eating disorders do, they just get more and more creative.

I also got an exercise bike.

I get I’m determined to make this relapse count.

I hadn’t put into word, but that definitely seems to be what I’m doing.

I didn’t have the energy to set it up in my room today, but hopefully this weekend I’ll get everything settled. I just need to get back into my clothes in the box in my closet labeled “too small”. Clothes I love, but can’t wear anymore. Clothes I’m not even close to fitting anymore.

But I will get back there.

13 responses »

  1. I really miss my laxatives too. But I’m trying to think of what I don’t miss about them. That list is really small, I know. You sound so excited, and a massive part of me would be too if I started the laxatives again, but I can’t have those same happy feelings while watching someone hurt themselves.
    Hug. Be gentle today.

    Like

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