I got my art from the art therapy group from the intensive outpatient program I did. I wanted to share it with you.
I made a sarcophagus with thick walls. It is what binds me, what holds me together. It’s a stoic outer shell, a wall of protection. Inside is chaos and confusions. The black circle with the tendrils is my eating disorder. It is a dark, heavy tar that pollutes my heart and controls my thoughts and actions, thus the tendrils extending up into my brain and body.
This is me. This is an image I get in my head a lot. It’s basically what I want to do to myself much of the time.
Week 1 & 4
The first week, I made the heart and a cover for the heart with a lock on it. The heart is sort of bowl shaped and it has a tear inside because it’s a container for my tears, for all the pain and hurt. The over with the lock was to symbolize how I try so hard to lock my heart away, and with it the pain.
On Week four, I decided I wanted to paint them. I had put the cover over an upside down container to help it dry in the right shape. However, when I went to take it off, it broke into several pieces.
At first, I was upset about this. After thinking about it for a couple minutes, I realized how symbolic it was. Through the course of the IOP, I had grown a lot and opened up significantly. I had made myself vulnerable, and shared my heart, and much of my pain, with my fellow patients.
So, I grabbed some foam board for a base and glued the pieces to it, then painted it.
I was having a really hard time in general, self-harming daily and feeling suicidal. My counselor had given me a smooth…something (I’m not sure what it was, exactly) and rubbing it helped me to self-sooth and stay grounded. Unfortunately, it fell out of my pocket and broke. It was very sharp and I accidentally cut myself on it when I picked it up, so I gave it back to my counselor so it wouldn’t be a temptation for me.
The next day, I decided to make stones to have the same purpose and effect. I made mostly smooth ones, but a couple of textured ones. The bottom of each stone has a word like “calm” and “believe”.
I want to paint them.