You know you’re bulimic when…

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        While browsing the web, I came across a list titled “You know You’re Bulimic When…” that several people had contributed to. I copied the ones that resonated with me.
    • You can’t walk past the laxative aisle without wanting to binge. (Or wanting to pick up a ton)
    • When you know you’ll have time alone and plan out a huge binge, and feel happy about this.
    • When you tell yourself that your meal is healthy enough, or that you won’t eat enough to trigger you and still end up back at the toilet.
    • When you look at foods and sum up how easy they’d be to purge on a scale of super easy to jeez I don’t want to do this (and usually do anyhow)
    • When you are jealous of anorexics
    • When you are doing good at restricting yourself from food completely, but then you eat…and keep eating.
    • When you binge and purge instead of sleep. (all the time)
    • When you feel so so exhausted after a day of not doing nothing but eating and throwing up.
    • When you count the hours until your laxatives kick in
    • You have a separate section on your grocery lists for b/p foods
    • When you weigh yourself everyday and let that decide how much you are allowed to eat
    • Having people tell you you’re wasting food and money  (thanks, mom)
    • Any feeling of fullness in your stomach sets off the need to purge.
    • When you eat healthy and still feel the need to purge
    • Getting excited to binge and purge

And here are some of my own:

  • The cashiers at the local grocery stores know you, and you worry about whether they take notice of how much food you buy…all the time.
  • You argue with yourself over whether to pay rent or buy binge food.
  • You throw away extra binge food to try to keep yourself from binging the next day.
  • You end up just buying more binge food the next day anyway.
  • Trying to follow your meal plan triggers binging and purging
  • Not eating triggers binging and purging
  • Binging and purging triggers binging and purging
  • Pretty much <insert anything here> triggers binging and purging
  • You avoid certain foods because of the way they taste the second time around
  • You can binge on thousands of calories worth of food, but eating a normal meal or snack makes you cry.

I could probably keep going for the next hour.

 

 

27 responses »

  1. *You start a binge with a brightly-coloured food so you can tell when you’ve gotten it all.
    *You have scars on your fingers.
    *Dizziness is not a foreign feeling.
    *The smell of the toilet is horribly comforting.
    *You rejoice when the laxative pain kicks in, even though it sucks.
    *You spread buying binge food between different places so that others don’t think you’re fat.
    *You pretend to order off of a list at the drive through as if you’re ordering for a family who designated you to get dinner for them tonight.
    *You know that bingeing a half-hour after consumption is nearly pointless because 85% of the calories have already been absorbed, but you’re compelled to do it anyway.
    *You have your own ‘purge bathroom’ when you’re in a public area, and you’re pretty picky about the stall (maybe that’s just an OCD thing…)
    *Related to that, you know the locations of all bathrooms at all times, and know which one is used the least frequently.

    …Yeah. Could probably continue that list for a while, too. Your last point is extremely true for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “*You know that bingeing a half-hour after consumption is nearly pointless because 85% of the calories have already been absorbed, but you’re compelled to do it anyway.”
      Absolutely. I’ve purged hours after eating just because I couldn’t feel settled until I did.
      “*You have your own ‘purge bathroom’ when you’re in a public area, and you’re pretty picky about the stall (maybe that’s just an OCD thing…)”
      Very picky about the stall. Like standing around waiting for it even if there are other open stalls.

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  2. Mhm. My problem is I can’t be silent. So purging in public is horrifying for me. I’ll avoid that at all costs if I can. I’m not very good at purging via vomiting, let’s just say that. I resort to laxatives and exercise more often.

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  3. I don’t want to ask how to be silent, because I don’t want to learn tricks and then get really good at it. I already battle anorexia and bulimic behaviours, I don’t want full-out bulimia too. If embarrassment scares me into not purging, I want to keep it that way. :-/ As much as I want to know….. ugh. Brain battle!

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  4. You’ve inspired me to write my own list at some point. Sadly, I can identify with all of those. Tonight I have to list this one: pass up the chance to go out with a girlfriend to watch ballet (both of which I love) to stay home and B/P. That’s what I am doing right now. I might blog about it soon. Great post xo

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  5. Thank you for this post. I found it so funny (because I can relate to it so much it was eerie!) but that’s because I’m fairly new to this and I thought all my behaviours were unique to me! wow, thanks so much. It helps to know Im not alone x

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      • Thanks so much abstem. My GP knows but she only said I was experiencing that because I feel unsupported. I gather she thinks it will go away once I start therapy. I manage sometimes to do well but just fall back when things get too rough. Praying it will get better. x

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  6. Recognise a few on this list…..well until about a month ago when I had a bit of a break through moment. I’ve been on and off in recovery for the last five years with varying degrees of success (you know how it goes one step forward two back). I’d had a shitty day and I was walking past the shop and I had the thought of ‘oh I’ll just get myself some chocolate to cheer me up’ and then before I even got in the door of the shop I stopped myself. My head said the words back that the CBT tried to bash into me – that food is never going to make me feel better, only worse. Now that day may not have changed into a binge but I figure if I’ve stopped it once I can stop it again. I was so pleased with myself as this small thing for me was HUGE, but didn’t tell anyone as most of my family and friends wouldn’t have got it. For the first time in my life I don’t feel like a recovering bulimic, I feel like I’m better . Keep plugging away guys, it feels relentless at times but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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