Stupid, Freaking Insurance


I was threatened with hospitalization today.

I was also told that my insurance doesn’t want to approve any more time because they’re not seeing enough improvement, so clearly the treatment isn’t working.

Also, one night a week is family night where people’s friends and/or family come in to learn more about eating disorders and how to be more effective support. I haven’t had anyone go yet because everyone either works or has school that night, or just refuses to go. My insurance sees this as I’m not reaching out for support so I don’t want to recover. So, if no one comes this week, they’re cutting me off.

They also want me to get labs.

I just want to throw things at them.

On another note, I did agree in counseling today to bring in my self-harm items tomorrow and leave them there. I think I’m also going to take my scale because it seems to be broken and is just causing me way more anxiety and frustration than it normally does.

We went to Old Chicago for dinner tonight. I hated it. I want to explain why, but I’m mentally exhausted and not sure I can.

Tomorrow, I’m getting coffee with one of the other ladies in treatment. I’m nervous, but also looking forward to it.

Now to not engage in any behaviors for the next week.


5 responses »

  1. My insurance when I was younger was more interested in the self harm than the bulimia I suffered from. The issue was that every time I self injured I required medical attention. F insurance companies, they really don’t care if you get better, they just want to pay out the least amount possible.


  2. That took a lot of courage to agree to handing over your tools of destruction!! Good job…also think it’s a good idea to take that shitty shit mean ass scale in. And insurance…can go. to. hell!!! It’s the worst with eating disorders!! I wish they could understand. It’s not like they would stop covering someone with cancer because they thought “you’re not trying hard enough” or “we don’t think you need chemo anymore”. Arrgh I’m right there with you on throwing shit at them. Still, stay strong and don’t listen to them. We never stop fighting.


  3. Insurance is a bitch. Especially with eating disorders, I agree. They kicked me out and told me I was “sufficiently recovered” and that I didn’t need that level of care anymore. Funny story. I was non-compliant almost every day. I was purging. I was kept on level 1 of 3 the entire time I was there. I had to be watched before, during, and after meals, and my tray and person was checked. They thought I was playing games like sewing weights into my bra when I weighed in, so they stripped me completely, and they would take my blood twice weekly. But apparently I didn’t need treatment. *eyeroll*

    It’s only because eating disorders don’t have a conclusive physical cause and a specific reliable treatment that they can get away with this. Same thing for treatment for most mental illnesses. Sigh.

    Prove to them that you are strong. Show them that you never give up. Great job for handing in the tools for self-harm! Throw the stupid scale away, too! That thing sucks, and never does me any good! Proud of you for taking some really tough steps forward!

    And give the insurance a little shit – they deserve it.


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