Suffocating

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Today has been terrible.

I binged and purged so many times, and tonight I cut. A lot. I want to take all my pills and just not wake up. The only thing keeping me from this is remembering the pain and heartache after my sister died and not wanting to inflict that on my family.

I by no means believe they would feel as much grief, but the thought of causing them any, especially after losing my sister just 2 years ago, I just can’t do it. Yet.

I really am scared that if things continue as they are, I will get to a place where I don’t care anymore. Where my need for escape is stronger than my need to protect my family.

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4 responses »

  1. You matter.
    You are loved.
    You are a fighter.
    And you can kick some major booty.

    I’m sorry that today has been horrid. If I could take your pain, I would. Keep your head above water for one more minute, one more hour, one more day.

    Breathe. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand what you feel, we all do…you’re not alone. even when things are this dark, even when your mind is 100% telling you it’s best just to die. even when every behavior crops up and gets worse and piles on top of you, you’re not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m new to WordPress. Not new to eating disorders. I’m sorry your day has been shit. I had a very symptomatic weekend as well. But just because you’ve had a moment of weakness, doesn’t mean you are weak. We can gather ourselves together and keep fighting! Sending positive vibes from Toronto to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I may not know you, but I have faith in you! I am on my 16 month in this battle of bulimia and it’s hard. We all have different challenges but one thing in commen, bulimia. Please don’t give up. Pray and seek God.

    Like

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