Today has been terrible.
I binged and purged so many times, and tonight I cut. A lot. I want to take all my pills and just not wake up. The only thing keeping me from this is remembering the pain and heartache after my sister died and not wanting to inflict that on my family.
I by no means believe they would feel as much grief, but the thought of causing them any, especially after losing my sister just 2 years ago, I just can’t do it. Yet.
I really am scared that if things continue as they are, I will get to a place where I don’t care anymore. Where my need for escape is stronger than my need to protect my family.