Doing what I need to do…and surviving

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I survived my first day of of treatment.

I was up late last night cutting and binging and purging. I got up today feeling sick and anxious and wanting to call the whole thing off. But I got up and got ready and went to treatment.

It was a long day.

I met with the intake coordinator.
I met with the psychiatrist.
I met with the nutritionist.
I met with my therapist.

I cried when the nutritionist gave me my meal plan.
I cried when I was talking to my therapist.
I cried during dinner.
I cried during group.

Dinner was the hardest part.

If we don’t finish meals or snacks, we are required to drink boost. However, I get a pass on that for the first 2 days. This was a good thing because I was able to eat less than half of my dinner.

After dinner was terrible because I’m not used to keeping food down. Not only did I have the psychological drama in my head, but I was so nauseous and sick from keeping food in my stomach.

After dinner we had two groups. The first one wasn’t that bad, though I didn’t speak much and was still having a hard time from dinner. The second group was on grief and loss and that one was HARD.

I don’t like crying around people and I cried around strangers so many times today.

But I survived.

And I’ll go back tomorrow because that’s what I need to do.

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